I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
