Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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