I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
