There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
