conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
