Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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