He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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