i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
