This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
