I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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