I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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