Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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