dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
