Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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