I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
