that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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