I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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