i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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