He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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