How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
