Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
