If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
