sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
