omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
