remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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