I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
