Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
