I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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