its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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