Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
