farters have to be the big spoon...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
