last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
