He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
