your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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