Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
