moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I want her autograph on my taint
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
