I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
