We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
