how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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