i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
