before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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