i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
