Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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