the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
