I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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