She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
