Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
