I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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