Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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