I puked a lego.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
