It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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