Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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