i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
