you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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