A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
